no good thing ever dies. -andy dufresne

by lina adams

i stopped calling you my best friend today

even though it’s been six months since you left me on read

and two since you told me you didn’t want me anymore

i found a year-old picture of us

saw our matching beanies

remembered the grief we leaned on each other through

felt the tears from all the moments we handed each other tissues

then i remembered it’s all over now

and i’m supposed to be okay

there are a million moments i want to tell you about

a million more i picked up my phone

-only to drop it back on my bed

i can’t count the tears that have run down my cheeks

-from today alone

i miss you

i don’t get it

this is stupid

but you deserve all the eloquent poems

because you taught me what it is to be loved

you were the only one i let pull me back from the depths of my depression

no one else was allowed to give me hope

just you

so i miss you

and i’m going to keep missing you

but i’m also going to send my new best friend a text

tell him how great he is

i’ll polo my big sister

tell her thanks for giving my favorite hugs

you might be gone

but i’m not alone

i never was

and you’re missing out

on the million more moments i’ll fall in love with

that i’ll spend with all the humans i love

the moments you could’ve been here for

but you’re not

and when i have one one of those moments

-when i laugh so hard i forget how to breathe

-when some of my smiles deepen my eye crinkles

-when the light of hope shines through a dark world

i’ll think of you

how you’re not here

-and how i’m slowly learning to be okay with that

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