(march madness) may you always be the one who notices the little things that make the light pour through, and may they always remind you: there is more to life and there is more to you. -morgan harper nichols

by lina adams

i used to make a new plan to die

every six months.

or maybe i didn’t make a new plan

just altered the old one,

the one that never really left my mind in the first place.

depression

anxiety

broken

it’s easy to forget what it is you live for

when all you’re trying to do is survive.

so eventually,

i made a list:

good hair days

running in the rain

watching netflix during lunch

being an adopted little sister

deep conversations that make me feel like myself after not feeling that way for a long time

bath bombs (and the self-care baths they are used in)

poetry journals with pictures of aggressive hugging and encouraging post-its in the front cover

sister attempted again

broken family

failure

some would say it worked:

i’m still here.

my heart is beating

my lungs are breathing

i’m still here.

barely alive

hurts to breathe

hurts to think

snow storms

harry potter

the vibrations of my guitar strings

it’s been almost a year since dying was on my schedule.

but i’m still just surviving.

it’s easier to say that you’re tired

than to say that you’re breaking.

i keep adding to my list

poetry slams

ice cream

profound quotes

hope is not the light thing we believe it to be.

it is knowledge

grit

waking up in the morning.

hope is knowing that my life will someday look like the beautiful things i’ve made it,

and waking up to see it.

strength is knowing i shouldn’t have to make all of those beautiful things,

but getting out of bed to build them anyway.

cal berkeley

being a school counselor

future kids

my counselor looked at me last week,

asked:

“are you thinking of killing yourself?”

friend overdosed

grandma dying

family just gets worse

i said:

“no.”

and i meant it.

so here are my instructions for living a life:

love

be loved

stay

(please.

i’m begging you to please,

just stay.)

13 thoughts on “(march madness) may you always be the one who notices the little things that make the light pour through, and may they always remind you: there is more to life and there is more to you. -morgan harper nichols”

  1. “it’s been almost a year since dying was on my schedule.
    but i’m still just surviving.
    it’s easier to say that you’re tired
    than to say that you’re breaking.”
    ahh this is so good. and not even just those few lines, the entire thing. its so amazing. i love your writing so much

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