you didn’t lose me and i didn’t lose you. you left and i stayed away. -callisto altair

by lina adams

i don’t think about how you left anymore

until late

after the moon rises

i think of what we were

what we could’ve been

you were light

every time i sat with you

it was easier to breathe

the sun shined brighter

my heart remembered things would be okay

i was heavy

hurt

broken

i still didn’t know how broken we all are,

didn’t know that’s how light gets through

i can still feel my heart pounding

hands shaking

standing outside your door

feeling the weight of the world

knowing light was on the other side of that door

i was not brave yet

i am still not brave

if i could go back

change it all

walk through the door

take all the potential we had

and make it something beautiful

i don’t know

if i wouldn’t stay away this time

i wonder what it felt like

walking up those apartment steps

with a gun

in your coat

loaded

i wonder what those three bullets sounded like

i wouldn’t know

i never heard them

but somehow the sounds still haunt me

i don’t know how accurate it is

to say you left

to say you chose that night

over me

when i was never a choice

but that’s what i say you did in all the poems i write for you

you’re not dead

just gone forever

10 thoughts on “you didn’t lose me and i didn’t lose you. you left and i stayed away. -callisto altair”

  3. you know, i was trying to figure out how to write a poem off of the lines but now i feel like it’s not even necessary. you wrote this so beautifully, i don’t think i could write anything close to being as good as this❤️

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  6. Me reading all of your posts because I’m depressed and they give some weird sense of catharsis, more likely than you’d think. I love your blog. It makes me wanna cry but always leaves me feeling better because I know at least someone out there gets it. So thanks.

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