always remember, my heart holds you when my arms cannot. -dhaval merai

when you start writing more grief poems

than love letters,

and the weight of your world

is too much to carry,

remember how the sky breaks sometimes.

feel the dribbling rain as it becomes a torrential downpour

and breathe.

let the tears brimming on your eyelids run over into sobs

and breathe.

see the air where she should be,

allow it to break you,

let your heart collapse with your knees,

and try not to drown in the empty space.

go through the calendar on your phone,

november 26th, 2018.

watch the memories of the hugs and the i love yous – 

not just the trembling hands,

the broken hearts.

in the months and years when it still hurts to breathe,

reach for the words of those still here:

it won’t always hurt like this,

won’t always hurt so much to breathe.

when you’re living in all the moments she should be here for,

listen to her words as they wash over you,

i’ll always be here for you.

i love you.

remember how the sun still rises and whisper back your i love you –

you know she’d be here if she could.

give your heartache to the sky,

and remember to live,

to take your beating heart and somehow go on in the face of all that is missing.

let your tears fall and remember –

her arms may never hold you

but the memory of her love always will.