it’s not always just the heart. sometimes your mind breaks as well. -r.h. sin

dear abused girl who shared my room one night,

my house might have once been a safe place to run to

but if you knocked today

i’d tell you to keep looking

when i saw you last

i didn’t think i was seeing my future

if i had been smarter

i would’ve watched you closer

asked some questions

i wasn’t smart enough to ask then,

but please hear me now

i should’ve studied your go-bag

mine is filled up with guesses

some broken promises

did it help to run?

i don’t remember if you flinched at being touched

or if your muscles stiffened

all i know is that mine do

does your skin ever forget?

the screaming fills the corners of our house

finds every crack

builds bars of every bad thing

can you build anything that isn’t a cage?

i don’t know how to explain the nightmares

i just know i only see what i live with everyday

and wake up numb

again

again

again

do you still see them on the insides of your eyelids?

i wish i cared about myself enough

to end this

to make it all stop

is there a day you stop hating yourself for letting it happen?