grief is an amputation, but hope is incurable haemophilia: you bleed and bleed and bleed. -david mitchell

you say you’re in the process of dying

like it isn’t sad

maybe not for you

but you will not be the one

trapped by endless nights of sobs

grieving your irreplaceable loss

i’ll be the one pulling out pictures of us

looking back on all of our adventures

you’ll come to mind every time i see a dolphin

-i’ll remember how amazing you thought it was that wild animals could be so close to us

if i listen hard enough, 

i can still hear your laugh as you were carried over the water

my mom never understood why books were so important

but you and i could talk for hours about the intricacies of dragons

marveling at magic in foreign lands

i can’t stand the thought

of walking through the library alone

knowing you’ll never be there at my side 

and anytime anyone tells me it’s their anniversary

i think of you

and the waiters who thought your long-time love was cause for such celebration

they penned their own song for you

and then i’ll hear you getting after me for not practicing my piano like i should

but how can i play

when you’ll never be the one to hear it?

there are a million more moments you’re supposed to be here for

my graduation

my wedding

my kids

my whole life

-which sounds so selfish

and it is

but grief is selfish anyway

whatever makes you stay

i’ll do it all

i’ll make all the caramel brownies

play all the songs

dye my hair for every holiday

-just like you

if you’ll just stay

another night

but then i see how you shake your head

when you joke about me not going to prom with a boy

i hear all the worse things you’ve said

about girls going to prom with girls

and the saddest voice inside me whispers

maybe it’s better this way

maybe it’s better i remember you still loving me

instead of shaking your head

at the girl i wish i were taking to prom