sometimes, i forget that i make the world better simply by being in it. -ellie shawcroft

introduction post again

ice cream is my favorite food group.

i re-read harry potter every year,

and only reading it once in that time frame is nothing short of a monumental feat.

i keep a pack of thank-you cards on hand at all times

because someone is always deserving of my thanks.

when the rain thunders into my skin,

i feel the sun on the inside.

every thursday

i wear a bright orange shirt with the words “hope squad” printed across it

that makes me look like a traffic cone,

-and does not compliment my skin tone, by the way-

because if i believe that anything will carry us through,

it is hope.

i write poems about my broken family

in hopes that one day

i will see one that feels whole.

i write poems about ms. cook,

a person i love who made a terrible choice in firing three bullets;

i believe that good people make bad decisions in the face of impossible situations,

but it is always up to us to choose love instead of judgement.

i write poems about how i once wanted to die more than i wanted to live

because i don’t feel that way anymore.

i write poems about sadness and anger and joyandpainandloveandloveandloveandlove—

life is not about feeling happy,

it is about feeling it all.

and i hope that one day,

i will struggle writing poems like these,

that when my pen hits the paper it will not tell stories of what the world is,

but of what it could be.

i have a secret, desperate aspiration to write words beautiful enough to be quoted one day,

so i study the words quoted by the greats and the forgottens of time,

i title my words with theirs.

in the time i’ve had this blog,

i’ve stopped praying to god and started praying to Love.

i hope to inspire others to see the good in everything,

and like van gogh,

“for my part i know nothing with any certainty,

but the sight of the stars makes me dream.”

i believe in dandelions,

in shooting stars,

in wishes,

in love.

and in the darkness of my room at night,

the glow of gull’s classroom,

the blackness of a poetry-slam stage,

i see a someday-life for myself that is so beautiful—

i can almost taste it.

sometimes,

i forget that i make the world better

simply by being in it.

the real lina adams

is one of my most favorite humans.

her words feel like hugs,

and her rainbow dresses and bunny hops somehow make the sun itself shine brighter.

she is the human equivalent of coffee

in the best way.

i leave her remembering that good still exists for me,

for you,

for us,

that the world doesn’t have to be this way,

and there is much to be done about it.

i borrowed her name

in hopes that i could be a little more like her-

that i could change your understanding of the world,

reach out,

touch your soul,

remind you that as long as

my heart beats

and your heart beats,

we are not alone.

sometimes,

i forget that i make the world better

simply by being in it.

i think that the rest of you do, too.

marilyn mondeathroe,

because of you,

i see hope in dragonflies,

in rhymes,

in anger.

i couldn’t be happier,

more ecstatic,

for another year to spend writing next to you.

i love you.

theflameofthewest,

we found each other in our writing,

we looked at each other and saw ourselves.

i hope that one day we can meet in real time and space,

instead of through a screen.

until then,

i’ll be snapping for you.

i love you.

lyseric bliss,

i will never see vsco girls the same way again…

thank you for trusting me enough to sign up for a cult-ish class halfway through the year,

for letting me read your words,

for sitting by me in both our english classes.

you made walking down the hallways an adventure,

and i am proud to be friends with someone as cool as you.

i love you.

callisto altair,

i love your words,

they break me and make me whole all at once—

they are a gift.

you are a gift.

performing your words with you at my first slam is a memory i will treasure forever.

please keep writing.

i love you.

olive stewart,

i don’t have words to tell you how much i love you.

and i know that sometimes,

you want to change parts of yourself,

but know that if i were in charge,

i wouldn’t dream of changing a single thing.

i couldn’t be more excited for all of our adventures.

i love you.

kinstugi,

i will forever be grateful to mrs. gull

-and her infinite and all-knowing wisdom

for subtly forcing us into best-friendship.

you are more phenomenal than you will ever know.

i can’t even wait to be annoying-best-friends with you and ash next year.

i love you.

fineagain,

we met on a hot bus,

but i will remember you for all the moments we’ve had since then.

you remind me why i believe in hope,

and i pray that one day my soul will be as good,

as pure as yours.

i love you.

amanda lorian,

you call me the god of writing,

but it is you that i look to,

you who always has the words i wish i could say.

your rendition of “happy birthday” will fill my soul forever,

and believe me when i say-

we’re just getting started.

i love you.

ada simone,

the thought of never having met you brings tears to my eyes.

i’ve told you before,

and i’ll tell you again,

you change my understanding of the world every day.

thank you for guiding me through my grief,

for flaming my sadness into poetry.

i owe you the world,

and then a little extra.

i love you.

to the real lina adams,

you are the reason i smile when i say the word “family.”

i hope to one day be half the person you are.

thanks for letting me borrow your name,

you can have it back now. 😉

i love you.

to those i have not named but who have touched my soul in love,

i love you.

in the words of drew dudley,

“there is no world.

there’s only six billion understandings of it.

and if you change one person’s understanding of it…

you’ve changed the whole thing.”

please know,

you have changed my understanding of it.

you have changed the whole thing.

i hope,

that if i’ve left anything with you,

it is that you choose love.

over and over again

until your lungs have taken their last breath,

until your heart has given its final beat,

until your eyes close for the last time

and your soul touches infinity,

keep choosing love.

i’ll always be here snapping for you.

forever and always,

-ellie